I finished reading Lysa Terkeurst's book Made To Crave today. I'm not one to believe that a book alone can totally change your life, but I do believe this book to be God breathed. What I have today is a prayer Lysa blogged at the beginning of 2009 and today I want to make it my prayer as well.
These are the words rattling about in my brain today. I almost wish it were a more glamorous prayer.Surely more eloquent words could be found for what I'm feeling led to pursue during this new year.
But these are the words and this is the prayer for (2011).
The funny thing is, I've spent my whole existence trying to find a place to settle down. People to settle down with. And a spirit about me worthy of all this settled down-ness.
All of this is good. A contented heart, thankful for it's blessings is a good way to settle.
But there are areas of my life that have also settled in ways that mock my desires to be a godly woman. Compromises, if you will.
Attitudes that I've wrapped in the lie,"Well, that's just how I am. And if that's all the bad that's in me, I'm doing pretty good."
I dare you, dear soul of mine, to notice the stark evidence of a spirit that is tainted and a heart that must be placed under the microscope of God's Word.
Yes, indeed, unsettle me, Lord.
Unearth that remnant of unforgiveness.
Shake loose that justification for compromise.
Reveal that broken shard of pride.
Expose the tendency to distrust.
Unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me-dark and dingy and hidden away too long-suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul.
I can delight in forgiveness and love more deeply.
I can discover a discipline that lies just beyond what I'm capable of and grab hold of God's strength to bridge the gap.
I can recognize the beauty of humility and crave the intimacy with God it unleashes.
I can rest assured though harsh winds blow, I will be held.
Goodbye to my remnants, rationalizations, shards, and tendencies. This is not who I am or who I was created to be.
Goodbye to shallow love, sharp words, self-pity, and suspicious fears. I am an unsettled woman who no longer wishes to take part in your distractions or destructions.
Welcome deeper love, new possibilities, unleashed intimacy, and the certainty I am held.
Welcome my unsettled heart.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
I know I didn't come to the place I am overnight. For one to acquire a spare tire and other assorted "spare" parts, one must spend countless nights laboring over bowls of ice cream and many a meal making the exhaustive trip for seconds. So, yes, I know this didn't happen overnight and I know it won't change overnight.....BUT MAN!!!!!!! Undoing years of one way of thinking and re-learning what I SHOULD do is a little overwhelming. I can usually make it through the daytime hours without too many issues. Good breakfast, snack, good lunch, snack, dinner. BUT THEN it is the evening! There are so many little delicious temptations! That stretch from dinner to bedtime is BRUTAL. And of course the mind tells you all kinds of things. "I had a great workout today, I deserve this, it's just one little treat, I'll make up for it tomorrow." Blah, blah, blah.
Bottom line: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If I WANT my body to change then my habits HAVE to change.
Bye bye cookies 'n cream. See ya later Chips Ahoy!
I have a new evening routine, and it's called Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. Not as tasty, and does cause some pain, but the rewards are SWEET!!!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So. Right now my kids are asking for a snack and my husband sort of looks like Night of the Living Dead.....and I 'm starting a blog. A blog that will chronicle my ups and downs. My struggles and successes. My striving towards a healthy lifestyle, and dare I say it, WEIGHT LOSS.
Writing about weight loss on a blog is kind of like walking through Target naked, you can't hide. Everyone will stare. Some maybe because they think you have pretty big lady balls and are in awe. Others because they think you are crazy and totally inappropriate. Both are fine with me. Stare, because I NEED people to know about this part of my life, the good and the bad. Who knows? Maybe my journey will give someone else hope on theirs.
Again, so. Today is my one week mark on this path. A week ago I started 4lbs. heavier than I am today. Awesome, right? Right. But last night I ate ice cream. I was not hungry, I was full actually. I CRAVED it, longed for what I felt was taboo, and ultimately gave in. AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Deep breath. Today is a new day.
I'm currently reading Lysa Turkeurst's book "Made To Crave", and let me tell you, it is rocking my little unhealthy world. The whole focus of the book is that we designed to crave......God, not food.
"Dictionary.com defines craving as something you long for, greatly want, desire eagerly, and beg for. Now consider this expression of craving: "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; My heart and my flesh cry out for the Living God" (Psalm 84:1-2)."
And lastly, so. Today this verse is my prayer, the cry of my heart. May my heart and flesh cry out for HIM today.Emily